Synopsis:  When The Riddler kidnaps Bruce Wayne’s fiance’, Commissioner Gordon calls Batman and Robin to the rescue. But when Batman gets drugged and kidnapped as well, it’s up to Robin and Batgirl to untangle the mystery. They soon discover that Catwoman and The Joker are also behind the devilish scheme to get rid of the dynamic duo forever. Will this be the end for the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder?

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Batman XXX: A Porn Parody – Non-Sex Version 6.5

eyelights: the Joker. the quality of the production.
eyesores: the minimal amount of humour. the barebones script.

Ziiiiip! Sluuuuurp! Jiiiiizz!

“Holy merry go ’round, Batman!“

I used to keep up with geek news by reading the many posts on a website called Topless Robot; it was through that site that I kept my eager finger on the pulse. It was also via TP that I discovered about the porn parody of Star Wars. I might have stumbled upon it otherwise, but that site put it on my radar. It soon followed up with quick entries about some new porn productions that involved DC and Marvel superheroes.

Unlike the Star Wars one, though, they looked cheap and unworthy – so I paid them no mind.

Recently, though, I came across ‘Batman XXX: A Porn Parody’ while browsing for DVDs in a local pawn shop. It wasn’t at all something I was looking for or ever expected to see, but there it was. And, you know, it didn’t look half bad. The fact that they were poking fun at the Adam West TV series was extremely appealing because it was the one most likely to be successful; the show looked unrealistic and featured over-the-top performances, so it could easily be emulated and spoofed.

Since it was written, produced and directed by Axel Braun, the same guy who did the Star Wars one, I figured it might actually be decent; the latter wasn’t perfect, but it was surprisingly funny and well-conceived, all things considered. Plus which it amused me to do a follow-up to my ‘Star Wars XXX’ blurb, since it happens to be one of the most read blurb on this site so far. A part of me wondered if Batman would be an equal draw.; surely the novelty would be a plus.

So, for 2$, I figured that it was worth the gamble. But was it worth the time?

It depends on how one gauges its value. For one, it turns out that, unlike the Star Wars parody, ‘Batman XXX’ is even shorter on script and non-porn segments. Whereas the other one ran at a length of approximately an hour after the removal of the less family-friendly fare, this one comes in at about 26 minutes – basically the length of one of the original television episodes. Hmmm. Well, to me, while it might feel like a rip-off at first, it seems appropriate enough.

What made it work is that the credits and costumes were all relatively similar to the originals (although the logos are swapped for Xs, no doubt due to copyright issues), allowing us to more or less of forget that we are watching a spoof, not the actual show. The performers were only barely reminiscent of the original actors, but they were an improvement over the SW ones, with some of them making reasonable attempts at filling in the shoes of their predecessors.

In particular, Dale DaBone did a decent job of affecting a Westian intonation and cadence; when he was in his Batman costume, I could easily forget that he wasn’t West. Randy Spears’ turn as The Joker was the most surprising: he managed to echo both Cesar Romero and Jack Nicholson at once, and even went so far as growing a mustache to look more like Romero did. He was a blast, actually. Evan Drake wasn’t especially skilled as The Riddler, but he did okay at incorporating Frank Gorshin and Jim Carrey in his performance.

Unsurprisingly, none of the women were capable of delivering their lines in a convincing way – they’re no doubt in the business due to other abilities (and no, I actually wouldn’t know!). Kimberly Kane, who plays Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend, was insufferable. Was she doing it on purpose? Who knows, who cares. To make matters worse, they didn’t really look the part, with Batgirl going blonde instead of red, and so forth. I don’t want to be a drag, but if you’re going to do, do it right.

The sets looked veritably cheap and are nowhere a match for the Star Wars ones. Of course, given what the TV show looked like, it’s not really the end of the world – one can just laugh at the cardboard sets knowingly. What was impressive is that they made a point of getting one of the actual Batmobile from the show for Dabone and costar James Deen to drive around in. It’s probably not a huge coup, but it added a degree of authenticity to this version that I never expected.

Of course, most important of all… is ‘Batman XXX: A Porn Parody – Non-Sex version’ funny?

Frankly, I guess it depends on one’s sense of humour. The few jokes that are served up are corny, but not unfunny. Too bad there isn’t more of them: the show starts with some pretty decent moments between Bruce and Dick, as they play a four-level game of chess, but the overall script was much dryer than I had expected. Even Ron Jeremy’s cameo was sorely lacking in humour – which is unfortunate because he no doubt would have loved to showcase his purported comedy stylings.

In the end, one gets the feeling that the intention in ‘Batman XXX’ was good, but that the inspiration didn’t flow nearly as much as it did for ‘Star Wars XXX’. And, given how short the script is, really, it’s a wonder that Braun wasn’t able to cram more humour into each moment – it’s not as though it got spread out over an hour or two. Would this picture hold up more in its porn version, with the naughty bits intact? Perhaps. But that’s something for another Bat-time and another Bat-channel.

Date of viewing: July 29, 2013