Summary: Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as “How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend” and “When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby,” as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny book for the sh*tty parent in all of us.
Sh*tty Mom 8.0
This one goes out to my best bud.
Everyone knows a sh*tty mom. You either have one, your friends do, you partnered up with one, or you see one each time your neighbour steps out in the driveway. Or when you look in the mirror (even if you’re a dad). Fact is, in this day and age, it’s almost impossible to be the World’s Best Mom/Dad/Parent/Suckerforpunishment: we’re all too busy and there are far too many variables to ensure that everything goes as planned.
Assuming that you have a game plan, that is. And that you’re not also the world’s worst planner. Heck, let’s face it: if you were a good planner, you probably would have made sure to put a little rubber thingy on that Johnson. But you didn’t. And now you’re burdened for 18 to 30 years of your precious time with a human life that you can’t divorce, fire or just ignore. Or kill – at least not without no small amount of consequences.
This is where ‘Sh*tty Mom’ comes in.
‘Sh*tty Mom’ is a superb book that will either: a) reaffirm your decision not to breed, b) make you feel guilty for having unleashed a monster onto the world, or c) help you not give a crap that you’re about to !@#$ up another human being in much the same way that your parents !@#$-ed you up (we’re all !@#$-ed anyway, right?). If needed, it will help you get through parenting. Or get by, really… enough so that no one will notice -or care- just how mediocre a parent you are.
This helpful tome was written by four self-avowed sh*tty moms. It consists of 52 chapters spread over 12 sections that pretty much cover every possible scenario, mapping out exit strategies and contingency plans for each of them. Want to sleep in until 9am every day? Want to sneak your sick kid into day care/school? Don’t know how to deal with Noms (Non-Moms)? Not sure how to live down the epic meltdown you just had? ‘Sh*tty Mom’ will show you how!
I laughed my @$$ off. And I’m not even a sh*tty mom. Or dad. I’m just a sh*tty person. But I loved it anyway: I’ve seen plenty of sh*tty ‘rents around. Then one of my best friends got consumed with it when she came over, laughing that she recognized herself in it – that she is a sh*tty mom (or so she says… poseur!). Sh*tty Mom is instantly relatable, because we’ve likely all seen/done/felt some/many/most of the mean and selfish things expressed in this book.
Which is probably why you’ve read this far.
Honestly, though, if you’re reading this, you probably shouldn’t have kids. If you’re not reading this, then you definitely shouldn’t have kids. Is that mean? Well, that’s just too bad, because the book’s even meaner. If you don’t like it, you can just go cry elsewhere and then fertilize some eggs (your own or someone else’s) to fill the void in your soul. That’s right: go be a beast of burden. For the rest of your natural life – which may be short but will feel unnaturally long.
Maybe it’s too late. Maybe you’re already saddled with screaming babies, demanding children and/or whiny teenagers. So little time, so many regrets: every waking moment is devoted to whatever ephemeral “needs” they have (those ungrateful, entitled little sh*ts!). Ah, !@#$ it… you deserve a break, right? Sure you do. Now look around to see if anyone is watching. Anyone? No? Then duct tape your kid and shove her/him/it in the closet.
Go read ‘Sh*tty Mom’.
You know you want to. (And it’s either that or dicking around on Twitter, right?)