Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Synopsis: Ever since homicidal maniac Jason Voorhees got trapped in chains at the bottom of Crystal Lake, the nearby summer camp has operated without a hitch… without a murder. But one of this season’s happy campers has brought along a deadly secret.

Tina Shepherd can see the future and levitate objects. Her doctor knows just how dangerous telekinesis can be, but he’s out to exploit her, not help her. And now it’s too late. Tina has accidentally unchained Jason from his watery grave and the bloodbath is underway.

Tina’s special powers are her only hope for survival. But what chance does a teenage girl have against an axe-wielding maniac?

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood 3.0

This movie’s all manners of bad. And not the so-bad-it’s-good, sort, either. No, this one never transcends its ineptness to come full circle and be entertaining.

Unlike its predecessor, this one doesn’t even have the saving grace of providing mild forms of levity. I did laugh a few times, actually, but I was laughing AT the film. It’s just THAT grossly unproficient.

And here I thought, at first, that it was just really lame. But it managed to go downhill from there. When, at the tail end of the film, one of the houses blows up for no reason whatsoever and then Jason manages to not only survive, but also “teleport” unscathed, there was really no turning back 😦

Sigh… you know a series is weak when it relies on the same tricks to try to scare its audience (no actual building of tension… just tricks). At this point, we’re at number 7 in the series, and I’ve seen the cat scare 4 or 5 times. And these cats come out of pretty much nowhere.

“Oh… let’s have the cat jump out of a kettle! Yeah, that’s it.” (mildly exaggerating)

“Why don’t we have a cat drop into the tub from the shower curtain? Perfect! Cats hang out on shower curtains ALL the time!”

“I know, I know… let the guy open his wallet and have the cat leap out! That’ll make ’em crap their pants!”

I mean, really… lack of originality is one thing, but being stupid about it on top of that? How DID this series become so popular, again? How did it insult its audience time and time again? oO

Final question: how will Jason Voorhees come back and actually find his way to Manhattan for yet another senseless massacre? Tune in and find out… if I survive, that is 😛

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