Frosty Returns

Frosty ReturnsSynopsis: Join John Goodman in the tuneful winter adventure of a little girl named Holly and her very special friend – Frosty the Snowman! When a power-hungry tycoon invents a new product that will eliminate snow, Holly has to convince the people of Beansboro to save the magical winter dust – and Frosty! A family favorite!

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Frosty Returns 4.0
eyelights: its attempt at an environmental message.
eyesores: the dreadful animation. the crappy soundtrack. the paltry voice acting.

“It’s the greatest invention since microwave pancakes!”

‘Frosty Returns’ is an official sequel to ‘Frosty the Snowman‘. Except that it isn’t.

The gist of it is this: Broadway Video owned the rights to ‘Frosty the Snowman’ after the Rankin/Bass catalogue was sold off, and CBS was the official broadcaster of the original special, so they commissioned a sequel from Broadway – which CBS have subsequently been playing in tandem with the other ever since.

In short: it’s a bloody travesty.

It has NOTHING to do with the original cartoon aside from featuring the titular protagonist, and even then he’s been radically transformed, looking vaguely like he did in 1969, but without the corncob pipe, and not being tied to the mythology thus far in use – like the notion that he needed his hat to be alive, that sort of thing.

To make matters worse, the animation is complete garbage. Even though it was made almost 25 years later, the animation is cheap compared to its predecessor – it looks like a poor man’s Mr. Magoo. I have nothing against the latter, but the animation wasn’t exactly stellar. Visually, there absolutely nothing worth noting here.

Furthermore, it’s a musical. While the other had a few musical moments, they were brief and mostly consisted  of Christmas classics. Here, aside from a minor nod to “Frosty the Snowman”, the songs are all-new compositions by some hack. The score was horrendous, cheap synth crap. And the songs? Absolutely disgusting.

As for the plot? There isn’t much of one. It consists of a wealthy businessman who invents Summer Wheeze, an aerosol can that can spray snow away, and his attempts to be crowned king by the townsfolk by removing all the snow in time for the winter carnival. Of course, Frosty is in danger of being melted away, so he and a couple of kids try to stop evil Mr. Twitchell.

Look, I have no problem whatsoever with having an environmental message when it’s appropriate, but this film really goes overboard. There is absolutely no fun to be had here, given the ridiculousness of the plot and the hackneyed way in which it is delivered. Even aimed at small children, this TV special is a load of dog poopee.

Frankly, the only highlight here is John Goodman’s voice work as Frosty. And even then, he can only be classified a “highlight” because the rest is so god-damned mediocre that his lifeless rendition floats to the top of this festering animated septic tank. His singing voice, however, doesn’t show any promise (given the material, it’s not surprising).

‘Frosty Returns’ is a piece of crap. I’ve seen worse, and some people might enjoy it for whatever reason, but if anything I think that it takes a big dump on the legacy of the original. To brand this “entertainment” is already a stretch, but to consider this a Christmas classic is utter nonsense, given that it has nothing to do with either.

“You better think fast, guys, or else I’m going back to the North Pole in a bowl.”

Date of viewing: December 9, 2013

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