Synopsis: St Trinian’s, the infamous school for ‘young ladies’, is in trouble. Despite being an old flame of its Headmistress (in a top-of-his-class comic performance by Rupert Everett, (My Best Friend’s Wedding), the new Education Minister is shaking things up and the school is facing financial ruin. But the students of St Trinian’s aren’t going to give up without a fight. After all, they excel at chaos and attitude not chemistry and algebra… and that’s exactly what it’s going to take to beat the authorities before they close down their beloved school for good. Starring Colin Firth (Mamma Mia!, Bridget Jones’s Diary), Lena Headey (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Vacancy), Russell Brand (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and Caterina Murino (Casino Royale). Also starring Mischa Barton (The O.C., The Beautiful Life), Talulah Riley (The Boat That Rocked) and Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time), with a cameo appearance by U.K. sensation Girls Aloud.
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St Trinian’s 4.0

I won’t mess about with this one: ‘St Trinian’s’ is utter and complete crap.

It started off amusing, in a low-brow, ‘Police Academy’ kind of way, but it eventually degenerated into a farce – not in the style of comedy, but in the quality of the writing and humour. And don’t even get me started on the values this teaches its intended audience! You might as well line up your daughters to be drunken, slutty, simple-minded @$$-holes, for goodness’ sake (and, no joke, I’m hardly a prude! ).

Still, considering that this is based on a very popular British series of the ’50s and ’60s, I’m curious to at least see the original, if only to find out what all the fuss was about. If its reputation persists to this day, despite such a lacklustre offering as this reboot, there must be something to it, right?. And, anyway, British humour was usually more sophisticated and the writing was far superior then. Right? Oh, please God, tell me I’m right…

Sigh… My curiosity will kill me, I swear…

Anyway, I’m averaging my final score, because I was first thinking 6.5, but I wanted to drop searing coals in my eye-sockets by the half-time – at which point I wasn’t even sure if it bested Steve Martin’s aneurysm-inducing remake of ‘The Pink Panther’ anymore (that speaks volumes, I think… ).

‘St Trinian’s is an unfunny piece of crap, covered in crap, sprinkled with little itty bitty bits of crap for embellishment. Avoid at all costs.