Synopsis: Phobia/4Bia is a horror anthology of four independent narratives: first, a homebound girl trying to combat loneliness answers a stranger’s text message, soon realizing what a mistake she has made; the second story has a victim of bullying harnessing black magic to inflict gruesome revenge; the third tale follows a group of friends on a camping trip gone awry, having to deal with the uncontrollable wilderness and an unpredictable other; the final story unfolds in an airplane cabin, with a stewardess engaged in a Prince’s extramarital affair. 4Bia brings together some of Thailand’s best horror filmmakers.

Preceded by a special “ghost-themed” performance by the Thai Dance Troupe of Ottawa.

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Si phraeng 4.5

eyelights: the unwittingly hilarious third story.
eyesores: the direction for each segment. the quality of the segments.

The Canadian Film Institute holds many international film festivals and in early September of this year, in collaboration with the Royal Thai Embassy, it decided to screen a handful of Thai films. The series was enigmatically called ‘With or Without a Soul’, and it wrapped up with a double feature of two popular anthology horror films: ‘Si phraeng’ and ‘Ha phraeng’.

With my October slate of horror films coming up, I decided that I would give these two pictures a go; being anthologies, they would serve up many styles and approaches, as well as diverse casts and directors. I figured that, even if we didn’t like one story, there would be another to make up for it – my friends and I weren’t taking any huge chances.

It would also be an unique cultural experience, in that the double feature would be preceded by a “ghost-themed” performance by the Thai Dance Troupe of Ottawa. Armed with bags of candy and no small amount of curiosity, we were all set for an evening at the National Archives auditorium for a soirée of Thai entertainment.

After a quick introduction by a representative of the CFI, we were treated to an intriguing, if seemingly makeshift, Thai ceremony. A dozen dancers, half men, half women, went through the recreation of a ritual that would normally involve the slaughtering of a buffalo. There was no buffalo on hand, so a stuffed animal took its place.

The dancers did their best to provide an illusion of legitimacy, however I couldn’t help but question the production – if only because a few of the dancers were clearly not Thai. Were the white and black dancers token additions? Is the Thai Dance Troupe simply inclusive? Or were they short a few members and needed to fill their ranks for this performance?

Either way, as the audience patiently waited for them to finish, one couldn’t help but feel that this wasn’t exactly the Thailand’s finest moment.

Well, neither was ‘ Si phraeng’.

‘Si phraeng’ consists of four stories, featuring different casts and creative forces. The only thread between them is that they all fall under the same banner – there is no other connector as far I know.

1. ‘Ngao’ (‘Loneliness’):  This is a one-person play about a girl who’s been stuck at home for three months because her leg is in a cast (why she’s been there for so long is beyond me, but whatever…). Lonely, she spends her time texting and is befriended by a stranger, with whom she begins to text madly. Little does she know that this stranger is no mere flirt, and soon her situation becomes a bit hairy.

I couldn’t believe my eyes watching this piece of crap. The whole texting thing annoyed me because her phone sounded like a ’70s electric razor and she got responses immediately after sending out her text.  Watching her frantically send a message, immediately get a loud buzzing vibration, reading her “instant” message and texting back was ridiculous. And when the stranger visits, such clichés as the lights turning off one by one and flying through the window made me shake my head in disbelief. 4.0

2. ‘Yan Sang Tai’ (‘Deadly Charm’):  A handful of teenagers decide to kidnap another kid and beat him to a pulp, after which they toss his bike out the back of their pick up and him soon after. He dies. Of course, he comes back for vengeance, but we don’t really understand why this happened and how these nitwits thought that killing another kid on a public road was a smart move. Garbage.

This piece was super incoherent, in particular due to the gawdawful editing which consisted to constant flash cuts to the sounds of speed metal riffs. Stupid, stupid crap. The story was moronic, the acting was absurdly poor, the direction was inept, it’s absolutely unwatchable. And the eventual turn of events, which has a girl tear out her eyes while being questioned by the police? Laughable! 1.0

Halfway through this piece I asked my gf if she wanted to leave. I don’t usually leave midway through a film, and have endured some really bad stuff through the years, but this was such garbage on all levels that I could barely bear it.  Combined with the fact that she doesn’t like horror films, I felt responsible for having dragged her to this mess, so I was itching for escape. We could have been doing any number of more enjoyable things, like tearing out our finger nails.

But we stayed.

3. ‘Khon Klang’ (The Man In The Middle’): Four guys are out whitewater rafting and camping together. They’re obviously close friends because they sleep in the same tent, partake in small talk and poke fun at each other. During one of their outing in the rapids, one of them drowns. The others, anguished by their loss, start seeing their dead friend wandering the woods. Panic ensues.

Laughs also ensue because this piece was dumb, and poorly constructed, in a ’70s horror film sort of way. But since the room was filled with laughter all the way until the end, it made it a lot of fun. So, although it’s technically not a great film, it really perked things up for us, and I’m glad that we saw it. It was ‘Si phraeng’s saving grace – even if it was unintentionally hilarious. 6.0

4. ‘Thiao Bin 244’ (‘Flight 244’): This was a paint-by-numbers ghost story on board a jumbo jet. An air hostess is asked to tend to the needs of a Princess, who soon dies of an allergic reaction to the hostess’ lunch. Coincidentally enough, the hostess is asked to fly back with the body and, as one might expect, the Princess decides to exact her revenge on her. Yawns ensue.

Firstly, this was hilariously subtitled ‘The Last Fright’ by mistake, so right from the start my expectations were low. But it turned out to be okay, for what it is, which is a pretty bland, par-for-the-course “spooky” plane ride; we could see all of the turns of events coming a mile away, including the “scares”, but it was decent enough – for a big massive cliché, that is. 5.0

None of this was helped by what must be one of the worst presentations that I’ve ever seen: blown through a projector, the picture was  already very soft to start with, but it appears that the films were being played from some sort of digital file, or even a bootleg DVD, because the whole film was marred by compression blocks and washed out blacks.

Furthermore, the audio was all front-heavy, no doubt in mono due to the source. This wouldn’t have been so bad if not for the fact that the basses were unusually heavy – too loud in comparison with the rest of the film. Not that the speakers could handle it. To make matters worse, the subtitles were frequently incoherent as they whizzed by.

Let’s just say that it wasn’t a shining cinematic experience.

Now, let’s put things in perspective for a moment: I’ve seen far worse movies than ‘ Si phraeng’. Far worse. But, as a flag bearer of Thai culture it’s a pretty poor choice: surely Thailand has made superior films at some point in its history; no doubt there must be more crafty spookshows in there somewhere. Even an older, slower-paced film would have been a better ambassador.

Perhaps the Royal Thai Embassy should have been more selective when putting together their film festival. Not that I want to be harsh, but I can’t imagine that ‘Si phraeng’ would entice anyone to seek out more of Thailand’s cultural heritage – and neither would the dorky advertisement that played before the film as a form of enticement to visit the country’s many landmarks…

…nor would they be enticed into staying for the second feature, ‘Ha phraeng’ – as evidenced by the dwindling numbers between the two showings.

Post scriptum: although ‘Si phraeng’ and ‘Ha phraeng’ were originally to be part of my month-long Hallowe’en slate, after seeing these pictures I decided to bump them. I couldn’t see any reason why someone would be interested in them – not even as novelty items.

Date of viewing: September 14, 2013