Synopsis: There’s Something In The Water

From director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes) comes the new action thriller Piranha. Every year the population of sleepy Lake Victoria explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for Spring Break, a riot of sun and drunken fun. But this year, there’s something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers; a new type of terror is about to be cut loose on Lake Victoria. After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the areas new razor-toothed residents. The film stars Jessica Szohr (Gossip Girl), Steven R. McQueen (The Vampire Diaries), Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd, and Kelly Brook.
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Piranha (2010) 2.5

Booze, boobs and blood.

That’s pretty much all you can expect to get with this second remake of ‘Piranha’.

Everything else is so damned moronic that it’s not even worth wasting one’s breath.

So I won’t.

I just can’t help but wonder what Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames and Elisabeth Shue were doing in this. Were their careers so lifeless that they agreed to the paycheque? Or were they actually doing it for kicks, in tribute to the original?

I may never know: I can’t even be bothered to check out the special features on this disc – which I will go unload first thing tomorrow. I really don’t need another coaster.

What a complete waste of time this piece of crap is. And I’m a fan of the cheesy, wholly-unrealistic ’70s classic. But at least it didn’t insult its audience’s intelligence, actually offered sympathetic characters and knew how to create tension.

This ‘Piranha’ is all teeth, no bite. And certainly no brains.