Synopsis: “Funny, Smart And Fascinating” -New York Post

In director Robert Altman’s star-studded new ensemble comedy, Richard Gere is a frantically overworked, socially-in-demand gynecologist whose life is coming apart at the seams. His wife (Farrah Fawcett) has regressed into a childlike state, while one daughter (Tara Reid) is raising suspicions about the relationship between his soon-to-be-married other daughter (Kate Hudson) and her maid of honor (Liv Tyler). Meanwhile, just as his champagne-loving sister-in-law (Laura Dern) arrives with three nieces in tow, the doctor falls for the sexy new golf pro (Helen Hunt). As complications mount, the good doctor’s life rapidly approaches the force of a Texas tornado!
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Dr. T and the Women 5.0

On the back of the DVD, the Philadelphia Weekly is quoted as saying that ‘Dr. T and the Women’ is “Altman’s sharpest film in over twenty years”. I don’t know what crack they were smoking, but I think it would be advisable to quit it.

The film was released in 2000, which means that this drug-induced comment covers Altman’s career as far back as 1980. Now, admittedly, I haven’t seen many of Altman’s ’80s films, but I have a hard time imagining that this comes anywhere close to critically-acclaimed films such as ‘The Player’ or ‘Short Cuts’.

Heck, I don’t even think it can touch ‘Popeye’ for God’s sake!

Say what you will about the film but, at the very least, ‘Popeye ‘ had inspired casting: Robin Williams in the lead and Shelly Duvall as Olive Oil. Brilliant! Sure, the film makes me want to chew my face off (it’s a musical, after all…), but at least it’s playful. And… it… also has… uh… inspired casting.

The casting of ‘Dr. T’ alone is enough to make one wince. It may look good at first glance, being that everyone is a relatively recognizable name, if not a household one (especially at the time): Richard Gere, Helen Hunt, Farah Fawcett, Laura Dern, Shelley Long, Tara Reid, Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler.

Wow!

…but not.

Let’s pick this apart for a second:

-Richard Gere: he looks good, but has a mildly creepy quality about him that is off-putting. And his acting style is slightly “deer-in-the-headlights”. I’ve seen worse, but still. At least he looks the part of a highly-coveted Dallas doctor: good looking, slick, youthful. He also has a chill vibe which I thought was perfect for the character. Still, there’s something about his acting which doesn’t sit right with me.

-Helen Hunt: hardly an A-list star, but she’s one of the highlights of the film. I always loved her down-to-earth quality. She’s beautiful, smart and sexy. But real. Here she plays a slightly unscrupulous athlete and does it just right.

-Farah Fawcett: a total non-actress, it’s quite clear that she made her name on her looks in the ’70s. And those looks had waned considerably by 2000 – not only does she have breast implants (she has a nude scene, if you must know), but her face looks like it’s seen a surgeon too many. Either that, or life has simply not been good to her. Either way, she’s got the acting chops of a Selma Blair. Ouch.

-Laura Dern: at times terrific, at times incredible (in the “not credible” sense), she simply doesn’t fit the part of a high-gloss, high-maintenance drunk housewife in the beginning stages of a divorce. She’s always been better at playing more earthy characters and simply doesn’t fit this plastic mould. She also overplayed the comedy, which was annoying.

-Shelley Long: aside from one scene, which she did her best with (it was too false to swallow whole), she was another of the highlights of this film. I’ve always liked her as Diane in ‘Cheers’, although the character was annoying and crazy-making, so it was nice to see her play a more “regular” person. She did it so well: every moment was earnest, credible and we could feel her every emotion.

-Tara Reid: another non-actress, who’ll mostly be remembered for her role in the ‘American Pie’ films and for her head-spinning turning turn as Bunny in ‘The Big Lebowski’. She’s not only vacuous, but has a permanent helium-affected tone to her voice which makes me want to claw my way up a wall. To make matters worse, she has a LOT of screen time; she’s unavoidable.

-Kate Hudson: she’s good here, but her character is a shallow bride-to-be trying to be a cheerleader. The charm she brought to Penny Lane in ‘Almost Famous’ is toned down appropriately, but it makes this young woman very difficult to relate to or appreciate.

-Liv Tyler: say what you will about Tyler, but she graces the screen every time she’s on. For good or bad, she manages to do this despite a stunned acting style that is vaguely similar from one film to the next. I can’t explain it. She must be magic, because anyone else would get tarred and feathered for it, even with an equivalent level of beauty – it’s not just her looks. Actually, speaking of her looks, I was impressed with how big a girl she is – not big, in the “overweight” sense, but in how she towers over all the other girls and has such a solid physique. The fact that she made it in a Hollywood that wants their girls puny in all senses of the word is surprising. Again… MAGIC.

Now, this may not seem so bad to you, but we’re off to a bad start with a few non-actors and a mostly out-of-place cast. This can hobble almost any script, really. I’m not sure that they could have made even a terrific script work, come to think of it.

…except that’s ‘Dr. T’ is anything but.

I don’t know how Anne Rapp could botch such a brilliant base concept: an almost all-female cast buzzing around a handsome, congenial male gynecologist. And written by a woman, no less – which would suggest a certain amount of insight and flair for the material. There are so many opportunities for laughs it’s beyond belief.

Alas, Rapp gives us a series of self-conscious, superficial, high-maintenance women as the core with only one really unconventional role to play, which Hunt did marvelously. Even Long’s character is a carbon-copy cliché – but, thankfully, she managed to create a three-dimensional being out of it.

I hate to be mean, but it doesn’t surprise me that Rapp never wrote anything else after this. ‘Dr. T’ is an exercise in blandness, masquerading as a quirky comedy. The cleverness usually inherent in Altman’s dialogues is missing wholesale, so it didn’t even bother me that the DVD is mixed so poorly that it didn’t come out clearly (there was, however, some delicious surround ear-candy in the form of rainfalls and thunderstorms ).

I don’t know if Rapp’s to blame for the ending, but it was a real mess. For no good reason other than to put Gere’s character in an emotional turmoil, everything in his life suddenly unraveled at light-speed. There was no sense in it; all the characters were suddenly erratic, turning the whole thing into one huge contrivance which was, frankly, downright stupid. I don’t know how this happened, but the ending was like a cross between late-period Blake Edwards and ‘The Wizard of OZ’. WTF.

Maybe it’s Altman’s fault. After all, he wasn’t able to breathe any life in the darned thing.

There was also a persistent problem with the time-flow: it was almost impossible to get a sense of time and a lot of scenes jumped over each other as though someone had cut out the transitions. Very weird. I’ve seen worse, but either the editor had big scissors or Altman hadn’t adequately sharpened his skills for this one – no matter what the Philadelphia Weekly says.

‘Dr. T and the Women’ was a serious disappointment after watching ‘Gosford Park’, ‘The Player’, and ‘A Prairie Home Companion’. It was bland as hell, with no real ups, downs or any life at all. It’s an emotionally inert, highly-forgettable film. I didn’t actually hate it, but I was left especially cold and can’t imagine going through it again.

Having said this, the concept is so appealing that I may someday confuse myself into watching it again. But it won’t be anytime soon.