The Return of Count Yorga

Synopsis: Robert Quarry reprises his role as the “exceptionally dapper vampire” (The Hollywood Reporter) in this heart-stopping thriller with a surprise climax that will “scare you right out of your seat” (Entertainment Weekly)! On his return, Yorga moves next door to an orphanage, where he can teethe on toddlers and prey on their teachers, all while shopping for a bride with whom he can share eternal damnation!

The Return of Count Yorga 6.5

*spoiler alert*

Somehow, and quite inexplicably, Count Yorga has returned from the dead. And, this time, he preys on the locals with the help of a half-dozen female vampires/zombies (it’s hard to say which: they have fangs and a thirst for neck juice, but they look and move like zombies)!!!

Thus, it’s a terribly moving tale, and one that will have you cuddling with your loved one and a box of tissue paper.

Um, no…

It’s a standard vampire film, really: the Count wants blood, so he gets blood. People die. Some people start putting the pieces together. Then there’s a showdown. More death. Whooptee-doo.

This sequel (or re-imagining? or reboot?) has a more boring story than the original, and a more standard vampire villain, but it has slightly better directing and editing. This actually helps the piece a fair bit, because the original was bogged down by the technical details.

This one, sadly, is mostly bogged down by the writing:

For starters, the Count begins by showing up at a Halloween party. Have we never seen this before? Sheesh. You know the drill: the monster/masked lunatic/creepy villain mingles with the locals and everyone thinks he’s only wearing a costume! Original stuff.

And that’s when I got a bad feeling about what lay in store for me. The fact that the Halloween party was in a gym packed to the brim with, like, twelve people, didn’t help. The fact that someone dies from neck punctures and that no one clues in to the fact that there’s probably a vampire in their midst, contributed to that initial “uh oh” feeling as well.

But I digress.

The story pretty much goes nowhere new; it’s essentially a retread of countless other scary films.

And, even Robert Quarry, who did fairly well in the original film, manages to be bland as heck in this one; his character is a little too smug to be interesting. So the main attraction of the original film was muted here. And transformed: he now attacks with a swift, racing lunge at his victims – while shrieking, no less. At least this was an appealingly visceral touch – and probably the only welcome change.

Aside from this, it’s a bit of a sleeper. As far as I’m concerned, it’s hardly surprising that it was to be Quarry’s last performance as Count Yorga and that the franchise hasn’t be revived since.

…of course, these days, anything can happen. I mean, if they can make a movie out the video games ‘Space Invader’ and ‘Asteroids’, then who knows?

What do you think?

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